The following are entries to a contest by The Washington Post, in which respondents had to write a two-line romantic poem...except that the last line had to be as un-romantic as the first line was romantic.
1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife;
Marrying you screwed up my life.
2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
4. Love may be beau tiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.
5. I thought that I could love no other
That is, until I met your brother.
6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head.
7. I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "Go to hell."
11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken
wanted CHANGE!
JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to
engage in cooperation and dialogue wit h all the chickens on the other side
of the road!
HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the
road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from
Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves
to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......
DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must
first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after
the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him
realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems
before adding 'NEW' problems.
OPRAH :
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he
wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from
his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this
chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his
life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know
if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either
against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of
the chicken crossing the road..
ANDERSON COOPER (CNN)
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It
was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's
intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his
eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped
to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the
chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?' That's
why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay.
And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all
chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white
washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side. That chicken
should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us
the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the
heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and
went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together , in peace.
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will
lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book.
Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is
much more stable and will never crash...#@&&^(C% ......... reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the
chicken?
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of
chicken?
AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!
COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?
DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun!
AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
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