It's Mandatory

Has Everyone Finished Figuring this Crap Out?

Math quiz

Sometimes I Can't Tell the Difference Between this Twelve Year Old and Anonymous

Can you?

What If

If I drink all this stuff, will it kill me or just remind me how *fun it is to get drunk?



*"fun"

The Confession

As the devoted éminence grise of this invisible, unknowable delight we call Anon, I offer my abject apology for failure to represent her best online interests these several long dark weeks. As our reader/love interest/nemesis/role model may be secretly aware, when not dressed as an elf and smelling of stale cigarettes I park my butt at a small desk in a corner and receive bad news. Sometimes I forget how fabulous these bloggers are and neglect them fully as if paralyzed at my computer. But I'm over that now and glad to post some sexy pictures of sexy elves, none of whom are me.

That Anonymous is One Sick Mo Fo

I Bet Anonymous Would Think These Were Really Funny If I Could Figure Out How to Forward Them to Her at Work

Who needs captions on a Friday anyway?

Halloween is Coming

Anonymous is ready.

Happy Tuesday

Say, How's the New Job?

A sample of what powerful corporate executives such as Anonymous do all day.

She Should Have Been an Interior Designer

She Means It This Time

The Breast Cancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on their site daily to meet their quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on 'donating a mammogram' for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors /advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising.

thebreastcancersite.com

I Wonder Why

As Stephanie suggested in comments, Anonymous thinks she's a big deal now because she "has" a personal trainer. No pain no gain is right, baby.

Happy Friday

Anonymous sent me this. Did she mean something by it?

Happy Thursday, Anonymous!

Maybe we're having coffee right now.

Anon's Joke of the Day (that you no doubt already got in a mass email)

That's My Boy...

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."

The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline company, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."

The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best Universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"

One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the Successes of our sons. ..What about your son?"

The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."

The three friends said: "What a shame...What a disappointment."

The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."

He May Still Be Asleep on Your Couch

Rumor has it that advance sales of Brian Wilkie's debut solo album "All My Love" were so impressive that he is ALREADY busy at work on the second, "Riveted."

Look What Anonymous Got

Why don't we all go over to her house and set a spell?

Can't Stop the Cute

Happy Monday, Anonymous. Have a drink. You deserve it.

Does This Kind of Thing Happen at Your House?

We do see a lot of this over at the Van Halen mansion.

Here's that Sexy Picture of Anonymous!

I meant to put it on my IPHONE BITCHES! but instead I stashed it on the desktop here for sometime-in-the-future gazing.

Good Morning, Anonymous!

I thought you'd like to see my boobs, being that it's Friday and all. The one on the left is called Guido, and the one on the right Mr. of Seagulls. The two in the middle don't have names because I don't name parts of my body unless I'm making a cartoon about them. Oh by the way, may I link to a helpful conversion table?

Anonymous Has a Joke for You!

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.

Her Too?

After today, this one won't be making our coffees either. Who's next- Johnny? Stephanie (Jr.)?

Stephanie is Concerned

Day Four: Worse than We Thought

Now hold on a second. We're finally getting used to mornings without Francis, and it turns out Heather's last day is tomorrow. Should we just start meeting at the Brass Rail at 8AM?

Day Three of He's Not Brewing It for Us Anymore

But it's $2 latte day, so who gives a f*ck?

Let's Break for a LolCat

Day Two: Not Your Barista, Sista

Haven't heard a peep from Anonymous about the long road ahead, either making our own espresso drinks or facing the chilling absence.

Not Making Our Coffee Anymore: Day One

Anonymous doesn't really feel the loss yet, since she's still out of town partying with her sister and hott friend, but today was officially the first weekday of Francis Not Making Our Espresso Drinks Anymore, EVER. I got through it pretty well, but I'm very worried about how it's going to affect Anonymous, what with her being a couple of days behind in the grieving process.

Moral Degenerates Everywhere

Hey, Anonymous! Guess what I heard on NPR this morning on my way to the coffee shop where YOU WEREN'T because you were OUT OF TOWN to party with your sis and her hott friend...

Regarding subsidized housing, an advocate said, "At the end of the day everyone has the right to a hard unit." I know this issue is just as dear to you as it is to Don Gerard, and since you were probably drowning out NPR's soothing monotone with your sister's blender, I wanted to make sure you got the news.

Anonymous' Friday Gift to You!

Let the Cats Demonstrate

I think you know what they're talking about.

Oh Dear

Anonymous has a love wound!! That's today's hot gossip. Get your mind around it.

Happy Monday, Anonymous!

You look sexy in pink.

What If David Chase Did Whatever Anonymous Wanted?

Because I never seem to get to the coffee shop exactly when Anonymous does, I am completely in the dark about how she would have ended The Sopranos if she were in charge of everything, which she is, but people don't seem to realize. I wonder just what she would have done with that last episode...

Sometimes a Cigar Joke is Just a Cigar Joke

Anonymous has long puzzled over Don Gerard's relentless, passionate, perhaps obsessive advocacy of the abolition of smoker's rights in these fine twin cities. Don is normally a totally mellow and unopinionated kind of guy not known for running around town stomping out everyone's liberty, but sure enough he's lost his mind these last couple of years. It's as if he's afraid of cigarettes or something.

And we all know how silly that is!

Well, after directing her team of expert researchers to do exhaustive expert research, Anonymous may have gotten to the bottom of it.

And Now, By Popular Demand

Poor Little Donny's parents wouldn't let him bring monkeys to the house, so how can he ever really be happy? He never got to cuddle up on the couch with an orangutan watching Leave it to Beaver reruns all day and drinking YooHoos until their tummies ached. He never had a chance to teach a gorilla to type. He never had to apologize to the neighbors for one of those naughty chimpanzee messes, and now he'll probably never be able to survive a surprise attack by bonobos. I wish Don's parents had understood the importance of primate-boy bonding.

Oh hey, Anonymous! Here's your hot monkey action!

The Readers are Revolting

A commenter has expressed some kind of concern about the use of cute kittens on Anonymous' blog. Yes, it is possible that cute kittens are the new plague of the intertubes, so we'll just post angry monkeys until the dust settles.

Anonymous Won't Be the Same without Him

Okay. So he's gone now too. Anonymous can barely deal with her grief. She can't check in here or go around trashing up her friends' blogs with sassy comments. She never makes it to the coffee shop on time and can't sleep through the night for thoughts of him. Whatever. He was funny, sure, but Anonymous has so much to live for. GET OUT OF BED, WOMAN.

Here She Is

I should have guessed.

Why?

Anonymous has been awfully dang quiet this week. That's not like her! Though I did hear she was talking trash about me over at the coffee shop: no fair.

She Comes Late to the Party but With the Right Idea

While bloggers like Stephanie and Lynndi might be thinking of the serious true meaning of the holiday OR have "complaints" about the weekend's weather forecast, Anonymous AS ALWAYS finds the silver lining.