I Wonder What Anonymous Would Say

Fine Art

2008-08-13T21:47:00.004+05:30

Tag! She's It, Bitches.

2008-08-10T01:33:00.007+05:30

That bad girl in black over at About the Girl tagged Anonymous with this meme but wisely assigned the actual work to Anon's hypercompetent staff. Since one of Stephanie's tagees declined, we'll tag him again and then ghostwrite for him too. Anon has nothing on the devil and so cannot afford to go around breaking the meme chains upon which an orderly universe truly rests.

The rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on the blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post.
5. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

Six random things about her:

1. Anonymous has never owned a comb or a brush. This is a proven fact and not just some shit I made up to fill space.

2. She sleeps all blissed out with a life size poster of Justin Timberlake hanging on the ceiling above her bed. Justin Timberlake is totally fair game for old chicks, having pranced across sportscars with Madonna and sexually assaulted Janet at the Superbowl only to let her take the blame.

3. Anonymous secretly uses voodoo to give people anxiety attacks. Then she pretends to be there to help them feel better.

4. If I am She Who Will Not Be Denied, then Anonymous has a Magical Kitty to put the boys back together again. However, if I'm just another latte-sipping, sushi-eating, narcissistic faux-green, she's a chick with a pretty good job and big boobs.

5. Anonymous invented the internet to help keep geeks off the street. You should be thanking her.

6. She is the last of the final five cylons. And she shot Tony Soprano.

And now in the name of all that is good and fair, we pass along the love:

don
jesse
ebay
google
wiki
sasquatch

What Kind of Burglar is Stealthy and Agile?

2008-07-26T10:23:00.003+05:30

Here's a clue: it's not about cats.

Ha ha ha

2008-07-11T01:46:00.001+05:30

more graph humor and song chart memes

Kitteh in Boobs is an Internet Tradition, No?

2008-06-19T20:02:00.002+05:30

You Probably Got this Joke from Her Too

2008-06-19T01:00:00.000+05:30

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil.
Satan: 'Why so glum?'
Guy: 'What do you think? I'm in hell!'
Satan: 'Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?'
Guy: 'Sure, I love to drink.'
Satan: 'Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Tab, and Fresca. We drink 'til we throw up, and then we drink some more! And you don't have to worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway.'
Guy: 'Gee! That sounds great!'
Satan: 'You a smoker?'
Guy: 'You better believe it'
Satan: 'All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays! We get the finest cigars from all over the world, and smoke ou r lungs out. If y ou get cancer - no biggie, you're already dead, remember?'
Guy: 'Wow...that's awesome!'
Satan: 'I bet you like to gamble.'
Guy: 'Why, yes, as a matter of fact, I do.'
Satan: 'Good, because Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it doesn't matter, you're dead anyhow.'
Guy: 'Cool!'
Satan: 'What about drugs?'
Guy: 'Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...?'
Satan: 'That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want. You're dead, so who cares.'
Guy: 'Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!'
Satan: 'You gay?'
Guy: 'No...'
Satan: 'Oooo, Fridays are gonna be tough!!!!!!'

Anon's Proud Message to All the World

2008-06-18T21:21:00.001+05:30

more graph humor and song chart memes

For the Complaining Whiny Baby

2008-06-06T20:08:00.005+05:30

Anonymous (or perhaps "Anonymous") is bitching about the lack of content on her blog. Her ghostwriter has been away for a long time dealing with important shit like hair color and turbokick, but apparently she can't wait around for something to happen on "her" blog. So I'll just post a bunch of crap, and she can start a fight with someone in the comments.

The following are entries to a contest by The Washington Post, in which respondents had to write a two-line romantic poem...except that the last line had to be as un-romantic as the first line was romantic.

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife;
Marrying you screwed up my life.

2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beau tiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.

5. I thought that I could love no other
That is, until I met your brother.

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "Go to hell."

11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken
wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to
engage in cooperation and dialogue wit h all the chickens on the other side
of the road!

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the
road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from
Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves
to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must
first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after
the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him
realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems
before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH :
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he
wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from
his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this
chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his
life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know
if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either
against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of
the chicken crossing the road..

ANDERSON COOPER (CNN)
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It
was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's
intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his
eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped
to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the
chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?' That's
why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay.
And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all
chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white
washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side. That chicken
should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us
the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the
heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and
went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together , in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will
lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book.
Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is
much more stable and will never crash...#@&&^(C% ......... reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the
chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of
chicken?

AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun!

AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

The Facts Have Never Been More Clear

2008-04-25T09:12:00.000+05:30

Anonymous Does Literature

2008-04-02T11:47:00.001+05:30

Easter Pr0n!

2008-03-13T09:06:00.003+05:30

You dirty dirty girl.

I'm Pretty Sure Don was Asking about This Just the Other Day

2008-03-10T07:10:00.000+05:30

~BASS PLAYER OFFENSES~

NAME OF OFFENDER - ___________________________
INFRACTION DATE - _____________________________

MUSICAL OFFENSES FINE

[ ]Playing loudly during warm up $10
[ ]Sound-checking amp with funk slapping $25
[ ]Loud cursing after mistake $10
[ ]Playing high and fast after mistake $20
[ ]Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes $20
[ ]Asking for "E" tuning note $25
[ ]Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb $50
[ ]Playing written-out walking line $50
[ ]Failure to play written walking line $75
[ ]Writing note names over ledger-line notes $50
[ ]Writing beat numbers under dotted figures $50
[ ]Playing eighth notes $5 each
[ ]Playing sixteenth notes $10 each
[ ]Playing above 1st octave immediate dismissal
[ ]Dragging fast tempo $75
[ ]Dragging ballad tempo $100
[ ]Blacking out during ballad $200
[ ]Ignoring drummer's tempo $100
[ ]Following drummer's tempo $250
[ ]Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me $1000

UPRIGHT PLAYERS

[ ]Showing up before first downbeat $25
[ ]Playing audibly $25
[ ]Faking changes $25
[ ]Slapping $150
[ ]Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass $25
[ ]Excessive sweating $25
[ ]Pedal point double-stops during horn solo $50
[ ]Asking leader for a solo $30
[ ]Accepting solo when offered $50
[ ]Taking second chorus $100
[ ]Playing solo arco $400
[ ]Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune $100
[ ]Playing "A Train" ending on every tune $200
[ ]Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune $500

ELECTRIC PLAYERS

[ ]Checking hair between tunes $15
[ ]Experimenting with odd meters $25
[ ]Missing root at end of blistering fill $25
[ ]Playing with a pick $50
[ ]Tuning during ballad $30
[ ]Playing Jaco groove on samba $75
[ ]Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad $150
[ ]Attempting last word on final chord $50
[ ]Achieving last word on final chord $100
[ ]Long gliss down to final note $200

EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC

[ ]Forgetting strap $10
[ ]Changing strings after every set $15
[ ]Using electric tuner $15
[ ]Setting up mic "just in case" $75
[ ]Forgetting to turn amp on $40
[ ]Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip $50
[ ]Asking horn player for help moving amp $25
[ ]Bringing custom-made bass $100 per string above 4
[ ]Bringing more than 1 bass $100 per extra bass
[ ]Skull decals on bass $150
[ ]Bringing fretless bass $500

CRIMINAL BAD TASTE

[ ]Telling bone player about all the gigs you get $10
[ ]Asking bone player about their day gig $10
[ ]Sitting behind drums on break $10
[ ]Quoting "Birdland" $25
[ ]Practicing scales during break $25
[ ]Practicing scales during drum solo $50
[ ]Practicing $150
[ ]Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player..." $50
[ ]Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that you are "into sequencing" $10

BASIC STUPIDITY

[ ]Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt $10
[ ]Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt $20
[ ]Asking when the rock set starts $20
[ ]Continually asking "where are we?" $25
[ ]Continually shouting "Yeah!" $25
[ ]Asking bone player where "1" is $50
[ ]Taking cellphone call during 4's $100

She's on a Roll

2008-03-08T07:06:00.000+05:30

A mindreader is at a nightclub one night and decides to give a small demonstration of her abilities.

First, she reads the mind of the lead guitarist: "Wow, look at all the cute chicks who showed up tonight! Good crowd!"

Then the drummer: "Lots of people showed up tonight...Great! we're going to make good money tonight"

Then the Keyboard player: "All three of these guys have no appreciation of my talent...What a bunch of losers"

Finally, the Bass player: "C...G...C...G..."

Where Does She Find this Stuff?

2008-03-07T03:56:00.003+05:30

C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors," and E-flat leaves. C and G have an open fifth between them and after a few drinks, G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me, I'll just be a second."

A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor and sends him out. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and shouts, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

Next night, E-flat, not easily deflated, comes into the bar in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking pretty sharp tonight. Come on in. This could be a major development." And in fact, E-flat takes off his suit and everything else and stands there au naturel. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.

So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.

Stephanie's Going to Kick Your Ass

2008-03-04T23:06:00.000+05:30

And I'm going to help her.

Kick It, Kick It Good

2008-03-04T23:04:00.004+05:30

Feeling late for the party, Anonymous? ALL the hot chix are doing it, so where the hell are you?

Perfect Pair

2008-03-03T23:05:00.000+05:30

Yeah, I heard you complaining over on the BP blog. These would go really great with your pink camo hi-tops, which incidentally do feel so good on my shoulders in the morning.

2008-02-28T10:10:00.002+05:30

It just seems like a lot of the problems Anonymous is struggling with have already been solved by SCIENCE. Let me know if I'm totally wrong about this.

Is the Writer's Strike Really Over?

2008-02-14T08:19:00.001+05:30

Means I gotta get off my butt now and tell on Anonymous again.

Give me a minute.

I think she's still slutty, and I heard she was kickboxing with Stephanie, but no one will go kickboxing with me. Do I really smell that bad?

The Waiting is not the Hardest Part

2008-01-24T02:01:00.000+05:30

The writers' strike sure is taking a toll on this blog. Will it ever end? Meanwhile, we immerse ourselves in kickboxing.

YEAH!

2008-01-03T08:43:00.001+05:30

I hope everyone had a safe and sorry New Year's Eve!

Happy New Year, Anonymous!

2008-01-01T01:31:00.000+05:30

It's Mandatory

2007-12-27T22:13:00.000+05:30

Has Everyone Finished Figuring this Crap Out?

2007-12-27T08:35:00.001+05:30

Math quiz

Sometimes I Can't Tell the Difference Between this Twelve Year Old and Anonymous

2007-12-27T07:59:00.000+05:30

Can you?

What If

2007-12-27T04:13:00.000+05:30

If I drink all this stuff, will it kill me or just remind me how *fun it is to get drunk?

*"fun"

The Confession

2007-12-27T02:38:00.000+05:30

As the devoted éminence grise of this invisible, unknowable delight we call Anon, I offer my abject apology for failure to represent her best online interests these several long dark weeks. As our reader/love interest/nemesis/role model may be secretly aware, when not dressed as an elf and smelling of stale cigarettes I park my butt at a small desk in a corner and receive bad news. Sometimes I forget how fabulous these bloggers are and neglect them fully as if paralyzed at my computer. But I'm over that now and glad to post some sexy pictures of sexy elves, none of whom are me.

That Anonymous is One Sick Mo Fo

2007-11-08T06:10:00.001+05:30

I Bet Anonymous Would Think These Were Really Funny If I Could Figure Out How to Forward Them to Her at Work

2007-10-19T22:20:00.001+05:30

Who needs captions on a Friday anyway?

Halloween is Coming

2007-10-18T00:16:00.000+05:30

Anonymous is ready.

Happy Tuesday

2007-10-09T22:03:00.001+05:30

Say, How's the New Job?

2007-10-04T19:59:00.000+05:30

A sample of what powerful corporate executives such as Anonymous do all day.

She Should Have Been an Interior Designer

2007-10-02T07:16:00.000+05:30

She Means It This Time

2007-09-28T21:14:00.000+05:30

The Breast Cancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on their site daily to meet their quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on 'donating a mammogram' for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors /advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising.

thebreastcancersite.com

I Wonder Why

2007-09-19T02:41:00.000+05:30

As Stephanie suggested in comments, Anonymous thinks she's a big deal now because she "has" a personal trainer. No pain no gain is right, baby.

Happy Friday

2007-09-14T08:47:00.000+05:30

Anonymous sent me this. Did she mean something by it?

Happy Thursday, Anonymous!

2007-09-06T09:00:00.000+05:30

Maybe we're having coffee right now.

Anon's Joke of the Day (that you no doubt already got in a mass email)

2007-08-31T01:26:00.000+05:30

That's My Boy...

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."

The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline company, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."

The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best Universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"

One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the Successes of our sons. ..What about your son?"

The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."

The three friends said: "What a shame...What a disappointment."

The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."

He May Still Be Asleep on Your Couch

2007-08-28T21:19:00.000+05:30

Rumor has it that advance sales of Brian Wilkie's debut solo album "All My Love" were so impressive that he is ALREADY busy at work on the second, "Riveted."

Look What Anonymous Got

2007-08-28T20:21:00.001+05:30

Why don't we all go over to her house and set a spell?

Can't Stop the Cute

2007-08-27T19:13:00.000+05:30

Happy Monday, Anonymous. Have a drink. You deserve it.

Does This Kind of Thing Happen at Your House?

2007-08-19T00:30:00.000+05:30

We do see a lot of this over at the Van Halen mansion.

Here's that Sexy Picture of Anonymous!

2007-08-17T07:27:00.000+05:30

I meant to put it on my IPHONE BITCHES! but instead I stashed it on the desktop here for sometime-in-the-future gazing.

Good Morning, Anonymous!

2007-08-17T06:14:00.000+05:30

I thought you'd like to see my boobs, being that it's Friday and all. The one on the left is called Guido, and the one on the right Mr. of Seagulls. The two in the middle don't have names because I don't name parts of my body unless I'm making a cartoon about them. Oh by the way, may I link to a helpful conversion table?

Anonymous Has a Joke for You!

2007-08-08T20:40:00.000+05:30

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.

Her Too?

2007-08-03T05:01:00.000+05:30

After today, this one won't be making our coffees either. Who's next- Johnny? Stephanie (Jr.)?

Stephanie is Concerned

2007-08-02T20:52:00.001+05:30

Day Four: Worse than We Thought

2007-08-02T19:14:00.000+05:30

Now hold on a second. We're finally getting used to mornings without Francis, and it turns out Heather's last day is tomorrow. Should we just start meeting at the Brass Rail at 8AM?

Day Three of He's Not Brewing It for Us Anymore

2007-08-01T10:29:00.000+05:30

But it's $2 latte day, so who gives a f*ck?

Let's Break for a LolCat

2007-08-01T08:06:00.000+05:30

Day Two: Not Your Barista, Sista

2007-07-31T01:28:00.000+05:30

Haven't heard a peep from Anonymous about the long road ahead, either making our own espresso drinks or facing the chilling absence.

Not Making Our Coffee Anymore: Day One

2007-07-31T00:34:00.000+05:30

Anonymous doesn't really feel the loss yet, since she's still out of town partying with her sister and hott friend, but today was officially the first weekday of Francis Not Making Our Espresso Drinks Anymore, EVER. I got through it pretty well, but I'm very worried about how it's going to affect Anonymous, what with her being a couple of days behind in the grieving process.

Moral Degenerates Everywhere

2007-07-27T19:34:00.001+05:30

Hey, Anonymous! Guess what I heard on NPR this morning on my way to the coffee shop where YOU WEREN'T because you were OUT OF TOWN to party with your sis and her hott friend...

Regarding subsidized housing, an advocate said, "At the end of the day everyone has the right to a hard unit." I know this issue is just as dear to you as it is to Don Gerard, and since you were probably drowning out NPR's soothing monotone with your sister's blender, I wanted to make sure you got the news.

Anonymous' Friday Gift to You!

2007-07-20T20:24:00.000+05:30

Let the Cats Demonstrate

2007-07-20T02:34:00.000+05:30

I think you know what they're talking about.

Oh Dear

2007-06-29T19:24:00.001+05:30

Anonymous has a love wound!! That's today's hot gossip. Get your mind around it.

Happy Monday, Anonymous!

2007-06-19T01:01:00.001+05:30

You look sexy in pink.

What If David Chase Did Whatever Anonymous Wanted?

2007-06-11T09:17:00.000+05:30

Because I never seem to get to the coffee shop exactly when Anonymous does, I am completely in the dark about how she would have ended The Sopranos if she were in charge of everything, which she is, but people don't seem to realize. I wonder just what she would have done with that last episode...

Sometimes a Cigar Joke is Just a Cigar Joke

2007-06-07T08:04:00.000+05:30

Anonymous has long puzzled over Don Gerard's relentless, passionate, perhaps obsessive advocacy of the abolition of smoker's rights in these fine twin cities. Don is normally a totally mellow and unopinionated kind of guy not known for running around town stomping out everyone's liberty, but sure enough he's lost his mind these last couple of years. It's as if he's afraid of cigarettes or something.

And we all know how silly that is!

Well, after directing her team of expert researchers to do exhaustive expert research, Anonymous may have gotten to the bottom of it.

And Now, By Popular Demand

2007-06-06T01:23:00.000+05:30

Poor Little Donny's parents wouldn't let him bring monkeys to the house, so how can he ever really be happy? He never got to cuddle up on the couch with an orangutan watching Leave it to Beaver reruns all day and drinking YooHoos until their tummies ached. He never had a chance to teach a gorilla to type. He never had to apologize to the neighbors for one of those naughty chimpanzee messes, and now he'll probably never be able to survive a surprise attack by bonobos. I wish Don's parents had understood the importance of primate-boy bonding.

Oh hey, Anonymous! Here's your hot monkey action!

The Readers are Revolting

2007-06-04T23:07:00.000+05:30

A commenter has expressed some kind of concern about the use of cute kittens on Anonymous' blog. Yes, it is possible that cute kittens are the new plague of the intertubes, so we'll just post angry monkeys until the dust settles.

Anonymous Won't Be the Same without Him

2007-06-03T00:01:00.000+05:30

Okay. So he's gone now too. Anonymous can barely deal with her grief. She can't check in here or go around trashing up her friends' blogs with sassy comments. She never makes it to the coffee shop on time and can't sleep through the night for thoughts of him. Whatever. He was funny, sure, but Anonymous has so much to live for. GET OUT OF BED, WOMAN.

Here She Is

2007-06-01T01:06:00.000+05:30

I should have guessed.

Why?

2007-05-31T23:44:00.001+05:30

Anonymous has been awfully dang quiet this week. That's not like her! Though I did hear she was talking trash about me over at the coffee shop: no fair.

She Comes Late to the Party but With the Right Idea

2007-05-25T20:35:00.000+05:30

While bloggers like Stephanie and Lynndi might be thinking of the serious true meaning of the holiday OR have "complaints" about the weekend's weather forecast, Anonymous AS ALWAYS finds the silver lining.

Ars Gratis Artis

2007-05-22T02:19:00.000+05:30

Anonymous Saw a Bad Accident This Weekend

2007-05-21T19:41:00.000+05:30

How did it affect her? When can we expect her to get back to normal? Will she give details or hold it all in as usual?

Another of Her Heroes Falls

2007-05-17T22:12:00.000+05:30

What's she gonna do now for guidance and inspiration?

The Question on Everyone's Mind

2007-05-15T19:31:00.000+05:30

Dear Abby,
I think my wife is cheating on me. I am a working
musician and, as you would expect, travel a lot. I
have been noticing strange things happening when I get
home. Her cell phone rings and she steps outside to
answer it or she says, "I'll call you back later".
When I ask her who called, she gets evasive. Sometimes
she goes out with friends but comes home late, getting
dropped off around the corner and walking the rest of
the way. I once picked up the extension while she was
on the phone and she got very angry.
A buddy of mine, who is also a guitar player, told me
that my wife and some guy have been to his gigs. He
wanted to borrow my guitar amp. That's when I got the
idea to find out for myself what was really happening.
I said "Sure, you can use my amp but I want to hide
behind it at the gig and see if she shows up, and who
she shows up with." He agreed.
Saturday night came and I slipped behind my Marshall
JCM800 half stack to get a good view. I could feel the
heat coming off the back of the amp. It was at that
moment, crouching down behind the amp, that I noticed
that one of the tubes was not glowing as bright as the
other three.
Is this something I can fix myself or do I need to
take it to a technician?

Thanks,
Very Concerned

Monday Already?

2007-05-14T20:19:00.000+05:30

I happened to see Anonymous at the coffee shop this morning. Her hair was amazing. I wonder what she has to say about her weekend.

Did Anonymous Sleep Well?

2007-05-11T07:43:00.000+05:30

I wonder what she had for breakfast. I can't imagine that she knows the importance of a healthy breakfast OR a good night's sleep, but let's find out.

I Bet Anonymous Would Like This Video

2007-05-10T17:17:00.000+05:30

It's Thursday, Isn't It?

2007-05-10T13:02:00.000+05:30

I'm wondering what anonymous thinks about that. Or the weather.